You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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