i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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