Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
