worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
