had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
