Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
