hotel room ftw
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My day in three words: secret purse cake
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
