Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
