The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
His nipple licking is glorious
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