Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
