he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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