you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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