Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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