So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
