i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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