I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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