I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
