I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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