OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
