I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
