Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
