I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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