Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
