You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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