So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
