someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She told me I should be a condom model.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
