Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
