Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
