I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Randomize
