Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
