I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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