Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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