Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
we made out on top of his cat.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
