Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
