haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
