one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
No subtext here. People are naked.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
