A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Terrible idea I love it
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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