Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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