When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
