So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize