I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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