Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
