You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
