we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
