Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
