He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
