Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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