He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
