He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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