i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
