Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
