you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I got inside last night via doggy door
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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