I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Every concussion has its silver lining
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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