half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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