His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he shaved USA in his pubs
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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