ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize