one two three fourrrrnication!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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