i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
