Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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