i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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