for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize