Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
