a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
