I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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