i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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