just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
