i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize