im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
dude. I can hear the air.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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