does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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