ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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