Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
