I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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