Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
