She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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