How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
