When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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