Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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