I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
