I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize