I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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