I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize